he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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