So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
NoShamevember. You game?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
