Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
