Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
