I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
