thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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