I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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