We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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