I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
