Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
