Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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