smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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