is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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