I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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