what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
