You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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