If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
