Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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