mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
