if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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