did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
