is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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