And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
