How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
