Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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