my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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