it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my being single is dangerous.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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