Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
