Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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