I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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