Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
