hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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