Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
