Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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