i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
this hospital has no fireball
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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