I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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