So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
