So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
