i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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