Please, let me fuck your mom
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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