Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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