Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
