You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
