mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
