having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
