I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
