woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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