Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
