i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
