Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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