A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I just sharted jello shots
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