You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
