He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
