I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
