that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
